In Dedication to Z.

The other day this guy messaged me on ‘mj’, somebody I had dated a long time ago. Apparently he’s back in Karachi and missing me… How can a person, who dated you for a week and then dumped you for another guy, miss you?

That one week was absolutely magical for me. It was more than anything I could ever want with a guy, there were flaws alright, but just like every time, when we end up having feelings for a person we subconsciously ignore the flaws, all we do is concentrate on the positives, thus making ourselves too prone to betrayal, and this hurts the most when we end up being betrayed by the one we trusted so deeply… Anyways, getting back on topic, against all my better judgment I went ahead with the meeting and how those 4 hours and 30 minutes flew by so fast is beyond me to understand, before I knew it was 1:30 am and we were in his car sitting in front of my house, exactly the same as our last date where he had broken up. But with all the talking and flirting, memories came back flying, memories I’ve worked too damn hard to forget. And with those memories I couldn’t help but feel the way I had once felt for him.

I knew even when I received his first message that day that it won’t end well, but still, like they say… ‘curiosity kills the cat’, and it did take hold of the better part of me and I just had to meet him, more than anything to know if he had changed at all (but alas…) and a tiny part of me was wondering of maybe having that wonderful week again. That’s the worst part about me, even when knowing right from wrong; I always end up taking the wrong choices.

Actually from the very start things didn’t look to be going so well, for one I had no electricity when I was getting dressed, then I had to wait approximately half an hour for him to show up. And when we were actually together, all he could do was flirt, finding excuses to hold my hand, to touch me in inappropriate places strongly considering the fact of him being an ex and lastly he kept inviting me to his home, there was a time when I was more than happy when he suggested that he wanted me to meet his family, but now taking me to his home seemed more an excuse to be in a secluded place specially when he asked me to spend the night with him.

A confession… A part of me was expecting things to go back to the way they were once when we had met, but even that I didn’t want in this manner. A part of me was having a fantasy in which we could be together minus all the negatives, but it all pretty much came crashing down on me once I saw exactly how much he was still the same old self obsessed person. At the end of the night he wanted to kiss me… Consider being asked for a kiss from the person who broke up with you because of getting bored of you in one week! A person who after 2 years finally starts missing you, a person so self obsessed that he would rather point out flaws in others just to hide his own faults, that’s how the chatting between us also came to a complete stop. According to him, I have ego when I denied kissing him and I’ve attitude just because I wasn’t willing to spend the night with him at his place. But when I pointed out how self obsessed he was, I also got blamed for being rude for saying such a thing about him, how’s it at all fair of a person to point out my faults, yet get offended when I return the favor?

Although it does make me wonder how things would’ve been had I at least kissed him, I do remember kissing him for long time in the back seat of his car (when we were dating) and in public (and that was being a bit too stupid, considering where we live), I do still remember the taste of his lips and I’ve never felt the same way kissing anybody else as I did with him. And I was more than tempted to lean forward and do it, what’s there to lose anyways in just an innocent kiss? And I do love to kiss more than anything, hell! my whole making out sessions can be full of kissing and I’ll be content at the end :) but at times a kiss is all it takes and before you know it things are way out of your control to stop them. And I know for sure, had I given in to his wishes things would still have ended the same, maybe not that soon, but still at some point another break-up was inevitable.